Wednesday, March 3, 2010

My Apologies to Catherine Hepburn

Good starts, in my book, include new comic books and talking about anything and everything, especially fun tangents. As usual, on my Wednesdays, this mostly includes Comics Unlimited. The dynamic duo of Lainey and Mark were there again, with the missing Nancy being sick for the day.

Topics of Conversation @ Comics Unlimited: Captain EO, rebel leaders that don't inspire confidence, Transmetropolitan, lethargic dances, being a Narc, Walt Disney, Tokyo cos-players, graphic comic book panels, cat side-cars, trying out for Musicals, intensity, giving terrible news with a winning smile, using a "re-re face" as a joke-killer, etc.

Yesterday, I made plans for ANOTHER Kogi outing. I know what you're thinking... yes, my beard truly is magnificent. But what I was talking about was another Kogi visit, so try to stop being so distracted my glorious follicles. Amy and Aaron couldn't make it last night, so I promised to take them to get some short rib tacos. Patrick came along again, so I wasn't the only returnee.

This Kogi visit went weird though.

First of all, the Kogi Truck we were going to was going to be located really close to where I live, at a place called "California Girls." A strip club. I was technically taking my friends to a strip club, and I had already been to a strip club for another reason, and now I was going to a second one within week of the other club. Okay, to be fair, the Kogi Truck was only going to be in the parking lot, but it was still a little odd.

Second, it started to rain. But only as soon as we ordered and had to wait for our food. And it kept coming down to the point that I ran to my car to grab both my umbrella and my poncho. We got our food and headed to my car, which, with my usual forethought, was so messy, it only had room for three people. I threw everything that was in the way into the trunk, and we all sat down in the parking lot to eat and talk about whatever was on our minds.

Topics of Conversation @ a parking lot: Special FX, how the rain only showed up when we were out in the open and vulnerable, Koreans unimpressed with Korean food, dirty bodies of water the world over, $5 cover charges, my fake Japanese speech, fogged up windows, why Catherine Hepburn sounded the way she did, etc.

Okay. I'm going to try and explain the last "Conversation" bit about Catherine Hepburn. Because for reasons that I'm not entirely sure I can explain, this absolutely BROKE me with laughter. I haven't laughed that hard in weeks, maybe even months. And I still don't know for sure why it did. (This explanation might fail, due to the fact that you kind of had to be there).

Aaron was just talking about dirty rivers, and a river in Italy came up, much in the way that anything leads into anything in these tangent convos. He went on to say that the urine levels in said river were so high as to be toxic.

Then he said "Well Catherine Hepburn fell into that river, and that's why she talks like THIS." And he said 'talks like THIS' in this weird garbled voice.

And I lost it. I f**king couldn't stop laughing. I could feel my insides start to ache, and I just kept going. I wasn't laughing at Aaron at all. For all I know he was completely right. But all I could picture was a scene that went like this:

DIRECTOR: "Okay, Catherine... ACTION!"
CATHERINE: "How can one woman love three men-? OH S**T!"
DIRECTOR: "Oh god, she fell into the river! Someone go in after her!"
P.A.: "Not me, man! That river smells like piss."
DIRECTOR: "Then just throw her a rope or something!"
(They fish her out).
CATHERINE: "Oh, my head... what happened?"
DIRECTOR: "Why does she sound like that? Luigi! Get over here!"
LUIGI: (Imagine an awful Italian accent) "What canna I-ah do for you-uh?"
DIRECTOR: "What the hell is wrong with Catherine?"
LUIGI: "Oh-a no-a! Did a-she falla inna the river?!"
DIRECTOR: "Yes! What's wrong with that river?"
LUIGI: "I-ah dinna wanna bring-a this up, but that-a river is like-a 98%-a pee."
P.A.: "I told you that river smelled like piss."
LUIGI: "There's one in India thassa so much worse-a..."
CATHERINE: "Do you need me to do the scene again?"
DIRECTOR: "Please stop talking, Catherine, you're freaking me out."
LUIGI: "Yeah, it's-a weird-a sounding, ah?"
DIRECTOR: "Not as weird as the fact that YOUR COUNTRY HAS A RIVER OF URINE!"


Yeah, so that's the best I could come up with to explain my mad laughter. Thanks for reading.



Adriee said...

Wow that script dialogue was funny! Good job with on man, spot on!

NateTheGreat said...

Thanks, Adriee! You are awesome. I'm glad you liked the little skit. :-)

Amy said...

It's funny because I know Aaron told me that factoid about Katherine Hepburn before, and maybe I was surprised but I didn't really laugh about it. But when you started cracking up about it, all of a sudden I couldn't stop laughing either... funny how that works, huh? Anyway, that was a really fun night. :)